Today I was listening to a specialized person who was talking about how hard and difficult it is to communicate with children. I swam with my thoughts to ponder over this statement! Is it really difficult to raise a child! Is it really hard to communicate with children in an effective and productive way. What do you think? Personally, I would say yes and no ... depends on our attitudes as parents. I won't try to offer an analysis or a diagnosis whatsoever. I am just a parent who has been experiencing this role for almost 20 years. I know myself when I do well and when I mess up with my children. I believe I am responsible for the success or failure of communicating with children. Let's face it! many of us still have the mindset that since I am the parent then I have the right to yell and to give orders and the child has to obey! So, communication is unilateral! or you may say there is no communication! There is tyranny and oppression (this might be a harsh word but maybe descriptive to many life situations) ... As parents, we need a dose of humility to enable us pace the child and communicate openly. Once the child holds any degree of fear, he won't open up to communicate. What is the difference between our children and any other person we communicate with. Don't you agree with me that our children deserve of us the same respect we exchange with others. A simple lesson I learned that we cannot force our children to communicate with us. however, if they like us and trust us they'll be more desiring to communicate with us. We need to deal with them as if we are dealing with a friend we love and respect. You will be amazed of what will happen then. Don't fake it. Be genuine. And when you mess up (yelling or commanding) ... stop the wrong-doing, and offer apology, in hope to reinstate the affinity and trust for communication to flow. Then you will realize how easy and enjoying parenting become. We struggle we we try to control by iron fist ... when act like a tyrant! and we all do from time to time even I! So, let;s humble ourselves! Lets act like coaches rather than police person, let's be loving and lovable, let's enjoy parenting! It's us who make parenting difficult because of our ignorance, because of our stubbornness, because of our stress that we don't handle properly and then our children take the heat of it! What do you think?
We can learn to accept the existence of ambivalent feelings in ourselves and in our children. To avoid unnecessary conflicts, children need to know that such feelings are normal and natural. We can spare a child much guilt and anxiety by acknowledging and voicing his ambivalent feelings.
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Thanks for your comment. Indeed, we need to train ourselves to become more inclined to acknowledge the children's feeling. Today, I was listening to a wonderful book written by Elaine Mazlish and Adele Faber. This theme was the first and most important one that highlighted in the book. When I am using this advice, the outcome is great. But sometimes, I lose my patience! We need to tame our temper to become more understanding and acknowledging! The communication with chidlren will become more enticing and energizing for both.
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ReplyDeleteHow are you daddy??
i love you too
yes you are right about communication with us children with respect as u do to others.......
no wonder i communicate with you a lot..
WOW wat a philosophical man u are
am sooo proud that your my father
(L)
luv ya
HIBA